November 30, 2006 | Category: Funny, Life, Rant | 2 Comments »
Recently I have had to catch the train in the mornings and I must say its a sorry affair. Rarely have I seen a train arrive on time and when it does its a most joyous occasion. I feel like running to the nearest coffee stand and buying the conductor a chocolate muffin. Just to commerate and make the occasion more special than it already is. I mustn’t wallow though. Its not the staffs fault.
Whomever runs my towns train service, has no sense of timing or has plainly given up all hope. I mean what does it matter if a train is half an hour here or there. Or even if when it does arrive on time the condition of the tracks will surely cause the driver to tread so slowly that one feels like jumping off the train and running side by side in the hope of beating it to the next station.
Whilst the driver is worried about derailing the train. My mind wanders off into the western cowboy era. Where trains were once robbed by men on horseback and the train drivers tried desparatly to throw more coal into the engine to make it chug along faster. I can almost hear the trains ‘choo choo’. The trains in these old westerns certainly appear to be moving at a far more rapid pace than their modern equivalents.
This brings to my mind a scare crow tactic. What would happen if I got a couple of friends to chase after the train in a bravado ol’ western, on horse back, train robbing kind of way. Wouldn’t that make for a more entertaining morning.
Catching the train is one thing but the wait in the mornings is aweful. The poor conductor who’s, voice is ever apparent, apoligising for every late train. He would surely die young of a heart attack. It really is that rare something actually turning up on time. Which is probably why he wisely choose to record his voice and have it replayed for every train which isn’t on its track yet.
My final rant which tops it all off and surely has to be the icing on the cake, is the benches which are outside for the happy soon to be sad travellers. I have no idea which design guru was consultated in this decision but he should be commended. And his prize should be to have his trousers removed and be made to sit on these lovely steel ‘ub3r cold’ chrome finished bench, only until the next train arrives.
You see this bright guru, for reasons unknown to me, decided to use kewl looking metal benches. Now maybe this guru was frequent with back end action and needed to cool down his butt. Because coupled with the cold British weather and butt on steel the cooling action could be compared with the cooling action of heart burn medicine without the obvious happy effect. I’m not saying I’ve got a hot ass, well depends in which context.
I read in the paper the price of train tickets is going up which will make it the most expensive form of public transport. The extra money I believe won’t be put to improving services. But to more kewl looking steel benches for people to freeze their butts & wait for the next train.
