August 18, 2008 | Category: Funny, Tech | 4 Comments »

I don’t really, I wouldn’t do that to you guys. I represent the people who want a phone for a phone. A phone that can take a decent picture, a phone that can send decent sms and mms messages. I want a phone which has decent battery life that can last two phone conversations.

Obviously I believe all what I wrote until I actually get one. Then it will be screw you guys, I have a phone that oWn3z which is better than thou. So I can look kewl like this guy in the picture Steve Jobless. Too busy to have a shave cos I’d be checking out all the kewl features of the iPhone, the sexy screen transitions the way the apps load and how I can browse the web and google maps. But more importantly how I can instantly be kewler than you just because I have one of these.

What’s funnier is I saw a girl on youtube using her new 3G iPhone calling up Apple stores around the US asking if they have an iPhone from her iPhone. Just to be put on hold and being told by every store that sorry we either have none, or we have some but judging by the size of the queue we won’t have any spare. All this whilst filming herself. Just to rub it in. To show she has an iPhone and you don’t and none of the stores have any either incase you was thinking of running out and getting one.

I have something which is more eye opening than this. Kewl guy Elton aka http://www.walkingleaf.co.uk has a freaking iPhone. He, as to this date not blogged about it, not made a video of himself pretending to talk into it. Maybe I’m missing the point isn’t the point of getting an iPhone that you at least blog, facebook and youtube yourself with it. Even the jobless guy up there is posing with his.

Its the sort of case whereby you could be in a watch shop and someone mentions ‘time’. It doesn’t matter to you that that they are watches freaking everywhere even a clock next to your face. All time is now irrelevant. You slide out your leather pouch, slide out the iPhone, do the slidey thing on the phone to unlock it, then press the time button, which pops up a clock showing the real time. Then proceed to say the time out loud, whilst smiling and showing the phone to everyone around so loudly and bold so people can say, ‘wow you have an iPhone!’.

"Yes b!tches, I do!".

Thats what having an iPhone is all about trust me! I now these things. I’ve seen it happen.

September 2, 2007 | Category: Funny, Life, Work | 5 Comments »

Yeah so where did Yas go ?

I’m very sorry people my blogging skills have started to suck more than usual. I was planning on ending this affair with my blog but a few people beat me to it. So I couldn’t do the same otherwise it would look like I’m copying them. I guess I left it too late.

Elton aka walking leaf expressed his issues with emagi.co.uk, he is committed to his own blog www.walkingleaf.co.uk deffo worth checking out. Janus did say he wouldn’t be keeping his site abaeterno.eu I hope he has a blogger account I enjoyed checking up on what he is up to. I was just checking out facebook quite a few of the emagi peeps are there, you should sign up.

I’m doing well and have been at my new job for months now. I have my good days and bad. The management there are freaking hilarious they come out with such funny stuff its unbelievable definitely helps with the mood there. The core management team have been working together for years so they know each other very well.

They come up with so many funny stories I’ll share a few because I’m struggling for things to write on this blog. Anyway, the last place the guys worked at, it was one of the girls birthday. This girl I have worked with before as she was a point of contact at the last place I worked. So as a present they decided to buy her a sex toy. Obviously she was a lil embarrassed to receive this, but knowing the guys she was working with it was obvious they would do something like this.

So when it was time to go home she was walking out with her friend. The guy in the office makes a phone call. Then starts rolling around with laughter unable to contain his pleasure at the deed he has committed.

She is walking past the check point and the random red light turns on, which means a full check has to be done of everything in pockets and in any bags. Her friend steps forward knowing the girls embarrassment at what might be found in what the girl is carrying. But the security guard asks her to move and wants to see what the girl has in her rucksack. Obviously he has been tipped off. He rummages through her bag pulls out the toy and lifts it up high so everyone who is leaving can see what he is holding and who he was searching when he found it.

From what I heard the girls face turned a bright red matching the red light which was still flashing. She turned around to look at the office and saw her colleagues rolling around in laughter.

What a team huh?

This other incident I was able to witness. As the guy who had tipped the security guard off, actually sits opposite me in this office. But his manager pulled one over him this time. Another person who works in the building for the customer who has white hair and a mustache, a very confident speaking guy. Asked the manager if he could have a picture of the guy who sits opposite me.

He wanted it because the guy who sits opposite me talks to people from the customers offices and one girl in particular thought he sounded like a nice guy and wanted to see what he looked like. So the manager who is the ultimate prankster said, hold on I’ll get you a picture of him but it will be tomorrow morning.

The next morning the manager walks in with a camera knowing full well the guy who site opposite me starts at the later shift. Following him was a big over weight balding warehouse worker.

“Here mate sit down over there and use the computer like you are doing some work” Said the manager.

The warehouse worker obliged and held his hands over the keyboard like he knew what he was doing. The manager snapped the picture and started laughing. He then told the office what he was doing and asked everyone to keep hush about it. He mentioned that the guy who sits opposite me had eaten his casserole two years ago and “time was a effin’ great healer”.

The guy who sits opposite me did find out later that day well after the picture had been sent. The girl sent back some kisses over the email, and he was ridiculed that the girl found the over wieght warehouse worker far more attractive than him.

He did say he wanted to do his hair and send a real picture of himself. But he didn’t do so, saying that she will be far more impressed when she sees him in person, as a much slimmer person and with more hair. The manager pointed out “Agh but with a smaller dick”. He did laugh at what had happened and has vowed that he would get the manager back for this ^_^

November 30, 2006 | Category: Funny, Life, Rant | 2 Comments »

Recently I have had to catch the train in the mornings and I must say its a sorry affair. Rarely have I seen a train arrive on time and when it does its a most joyous occasion. I feel like running to the nearest coffee stand and buying the conductor a chocolate muffin. Just to commerate and make the occasion more special than it already is. I mustn’t wallow though. Its not the staffs fault.

Whomever runs my towns train service, has no sense of timing or has plainly given up all hope. I mean what does it matter if a train is half an hour here or there. Or even if when it does arrive on time the condition of the tracks will surely cause the driver to tread so slowly that one feels like jumping off the train and running side by side in the hope of beating it to the next station.

Whilst the driver is worried about derailing the train. My mind wanders off into the western cowboy era. Where trains were once robbed by men on horseback and the train drivers tried desparatly to throw more coal into the engine to make it chug along faster. I can almost hear the trains ‘choo choo’. The trains in these old westerns certainly appear to be moving at a far more rapid pace than their modern equivalents.

This brings to my mind a scare crow tactic. What would happen if I got a couple of friends to chase after the train in a bravado ol’ western, on horse back, train robbing kind of way. Wouldn’t that make for a more entertaining morning.

Catching the train is one thing but the wait in the mornings is aweful. The poor conductor who’s, voice is ever apparent, apoligising for every late train. He would surely die young of a heart attack. It really is that rare something actually turning up on time. Which is probably why he wisely choose to record his voice and have it replayed for every train which isn’t on its track yet.

My final rant which tops it all off and surely has to be the icing on the cake, is the benches which are outside for the happy soon to be sad travellers. I have no idea which design guru was consultated in this decision but he should be commended. And his prize should be to have his trousers removed and be made to sit on these lovely steel ‘ub3r cold’ chrome finished bench, only until the next train arrives.

You see this bright guru, for reasons unknown to me, decided to use kewl looking metal benches. Now maybe this guru was frequent with back end action and needed to cool down his butt. Because coupled with the cold British weather and butt on steel the cooling action could be compared with the cooling action of heart burn medicine without the obvious happy effect. I’m not saying I’ve got a hot ass, well depends in which context.

I read in the paper the price of train tickets is going up which will make it the most expensive form of public transport. The extra money I believe won’t be put to improving services. But to more kewl looking steel benches for people to freeze their butts & wait for the next train.