Category Archives: Work

Be like oil my friend

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This was my attempt at being philosophical at work. It came about watching him getting into an argument with the customer. He is a young team leader and with still lots to learn.

TL: Wtf is he stupid?
Me: Well..
TL: ::starts to type out email::
Me: Right whenever you are talking to anyone over the email no matter who they are, always start politely. Put in a hello or hi or something you normally would do.
TL: ::looks at me like he knows better::
Me: Trust me.
TL: ::Follows my direction and enters in some niceties including regards at the end of the mail::
Me: The thing to remember is if something ever goes wrong and all these emails are made public you need to appear clean. He will end up looking stupid, but don’t stoop to his level. He will trip himself up in the end.
TL: Really?
Me: If you answer the emails the way he does then you are no better than him. You need to be like oil my friend.
Him: Like oil?
Me: Yeah oil floats on water everything else just mixes into the water and makes it look muddy.
Him: …

Just then our boss had caught onto what was happening and had read the silly reply back from the person he had been writing to and was quick to put them in their place. He felt a bit relieved after this point.

So remember to be like oil if you ever get into any arguments over emails!

Cool Business Cards

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This happened to me quite some time ago. I was asked to provide a little guidance in helping a new small business get connected to the web and help with setting up email addresses and web space. So I had been in and sat down with the two partners asked them about the company and what would be the ideal domain name etc. After this had been agreed I went away and started to get things ready.

So I popped back in to let them know the email addresses were now live and once they had connected their computers in they could use them. On this occasion one of the partners arrived in just after and had with him a folder of the new print material which had been collected fresh from the printers. He proceeded to talk about how “Cool the new business cards” were. I took a look at one and indeed they were quite fresh looking. I started to read the information and noticed the email address had been written completely incorrectly and so had the website url. So I calmed the party down a little and said ‘hey the information is incorrect, if you end up printing these out with the incorrect information there will be nothing I can do to correct the web site url and email addresses to make them match’. He replied ‘Oh yeah, don’t worry about that these are just the test prints. They look cool thought don’t they I think they’re ready for printing’. I looked at his partner, we realised this guy had absolutely no idea of the implications. It was quickly agreed that none would be printed out until the web/url information was verified correct by myself.

Love for the boss

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This is for my boss if they should ever accidentally happen to pass by my blog:

Dear Boss,

I think you are courageous and a valiant leader. I am humbled to be working for you. I admire how you take this difficult role within your stride and how you are fearless when things get difficult.  I couldn’t think of a better boss to work for.

Anything that I have written or may write which you in anyway happen to dislike is purely fictional. However anything I write which is complimentary in anyway is purely from the heart. As I said I love working for you and couldn’t think of anything better than doing so. So forgive any slip of my fingers where I was supposed to type something nice but the fingers hit the wrong keys.

Boss did I tell you how good you look?

Christmas and New Years Madness

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I’m sure it has been discussed and ranted and raved for many many years. Yes, I’m talking about the silliness which kicks into even the most normal of person around the end of the year. I’m going to put another spin on this by saying I quite like this madness. Don’t get me wrong here I don’t wish to participate in this madness but I quite enjoy watching it from a safe distance. I quite enjoy the fact everyone wants to finish work earlier including the boss who with the help of everyone all join in force to make sure this happens. This is the type of group bond which only comes from a united consensus with everyone with one goal one mission and they all work together to make sure it happens.

It’s not quite the Christmas cheer, gleeful hope and union of faith which everyone should be feeling but nevertheless in its own way I’m sure you would agree it’s beautiful. At least I think so.

But we just can't

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The scenario is this, some guy at head office had been informed that one of the shirts on the website had the wrong picture. It was showing as a white shirt but the ordering code behind it related back to a blue shirt. So when customers were placing orders against a particular white shirt what was actually getting sent out was a blue shirt. Completely not what the customer ordered.

Worst part about it was these shirts can be customised to the customers needs. Quite a few of these shirts had been sent to be altered and then shipped out to the customer. Its only when they arrived back saying not what we ordered did we figure out that picture on the website is completely wrong.

What happened next is what interested me. The guys who work on the website even though they knew about this issue over a week ago, couldn’t ‘do anything to fix it’ in a reasonable amount of time. So I was asked to put a block on these shirts via our system. For me it was a case of 30 mins of work. I could have updated the site myself in 5 mins if I had the access.

I went to inform some of the staff in the department. An older lady who has been with the company for many many years nearing her retirement, she had been swapping the shirts for the correct ones.

I said no you guys can’t just swap the shirts, as the orders are coming in for blue shirts.
“No, the customer ordered white shirts.” She said to me.
I corrected her, “No the customer thinks they are ordering white shirts but they are in fact ordering blue shirts”.

I explained that changing the shirts from the actual ordered ruins the stock levels and also its not traceable what actually happened, the system won’t be showing we sent out white shirts but blue shirts. Which is the correct line.

“I just think that’s ludicrous, when we have plenty of white shirts we can send them.” She retaliated.

I explained a little that head office need accountability of each line of shirt so they know how well they are selling and how much profit they are making from it. Also if someone is sending out something else instead of what the system is saying it will throw their profit figures out for styles of shirts.

And then I took a moment as it struck me that if you’re not sending the item the customer wants, you’re not getting any money. Which makes profits per style completely pointless. Its then it struck me how inflexible and stupid the setup and system actually is.

Anyway I put a block on the shirts so they automatically get removed from the website. I have seen them in the past take months to correct very simple issues. However if I had a say, the web team would be the first to go, replacing her with this old lady who actually understands more how systems should be run.

w00 h00

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The other day I finally got promoted at work ! how much amazing news is that. My manager came back froom holiday and called me upstairs into the meeting room. I was a little o_O at why he was calling me there. I thought either he would be telling me off, which couldn’t be the case as I had done nothing wrong. Or he was going to say how well things went with the project I was handling. But I wasn’t too enthused to hear a thanks. I know it had gone well.

Anyway he had an organizational chart which was covered up. So he started to mention how because of the boss leaving and a new one starting we’re restructuring. It meant that he would answer direct to the new lady boss. The he uncovered more of the chart and it showed my name, but I had a promoted title of supervisor which I don’t currently have.

He congratulated me, I was super ecstatic as it was very kewl news as its been quite a long time coming.

Today I had an ol’ colleague with me and she mentioned an ol’ boss who had lost two of his staff. He struggles to keep his staff as he is a bit too overbearing. And he had been a boss to both of us before. So we wrote an email to a girl who works with him. Obviously it said a few things it shouldn’t have. So we wrote it, changed a few minor things before sending it off.

I got a automated reply back straight away saying the girl is on holiday and its gone to the ol’ boss. Oh fcuk!

A few mins later he sent a very straight email letting us know she wasn’t in and he had got the mail. From the tone of the email it was apparent he was super pissed.

I need to start being much more careful! ;x

Ugh where did he go

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Yeah so where did Yas go ?

I’m very sorry people my blogging skills have started to suck more than usual. I was planning on ending this affair with my blog but a few people beat me to it. So I couldn’t do the same otherwise it would look like I’m copying them. I guess I left it too late.

Elton aka walking leaf expressed his issues with emagi.co.uk, he is committed to his own blog www.walkingleaf.co.uk deffo worth checking out. Janus did say he wouldn’t be keeping his site abaeterno.eu I hope he has a blogger account I enjoyed checking up on what he is up to. I was just checking out facebook quite a few of the emagi peeps are there, you should sign up.

I’m doing well and have been at my new job for months now. I have my good days and bad. The management there are freaking hilarious they come out with such funny stuff its unbelievable definitely helps with the mood there. The core management team have been working together for years so they know each other very well.

They come up with so many funny stories I’ll share a few because I’m struggling for things to write on this blog. Anyway, the last place the guys worked at, it was one of the girls birthday. This girl I have worked with before as she was a point of contact at the last place I worked. So as a present they decided to buy her a sex toy. Obviously she was a lil embarrassed to receive this, but knowing the guys she was working with it was obvious they would do something like this.

So when it was time to go home she was walking out with her friend. The guy in the office makes a phone call. Then starts rolling around with laughter unable to contain his pleasure at the deed he has committed.

She is walking past the check point and the random red light turns on, which means a full check has to be done of everything in pockets and in any bags. Her friend steps forward knowing the girls embarrassment at what might be found in what the girl is carrying. But the security guard asks her to move and wants to see what the girl has in her rucksack. Obviously he has been tipped off. He rummages through her bag pulls out the toy and lifts it up high so everyone who is leaving can see what he is holding and who he was searching when he found it.

From what I heard the girls face turned a bright red matching the red light which was still flashing. She turned around to look at the office and saw her colleagues rolling around in laughter.

What a team huh?

This other incident I was able to witness. As the guy who had tipped the security guard off, actually sits opposite me in this office. But his manager pulled one over him this time. Another person who works in the building for the customer who has white hair and a mustache, a very confident speaking guy. Asked the manager if he could have a picture of the guy who sits opposite me.

He wanted it because the guy who sits opposite me talks to people from the customers offices and one girl in particular thought he sounded like a nice guy and wanted to see what he looked like. So the manager who is the ultimate prankster said, hold on I’ll get you a picture of him but it will be tomorrow morning.

The next morning the manager walks in with a camera knowing full well the guy who site opposite me starts at the later shift. Following him was a big over weight balding warehouse worker.

“Here mate sit down over there and use the computer like you are doing some work” Said the manager.

The warehouse worker obliged and held his hands over the keyboard like he knew what he was doing. The manager snapped the picture and started laughing. He then told the office what he was doing and asked everyone to keep hush about it. He mentioned that the guy who sits opposite me had eaten his casserole two years ago and “time was a effin’ great healer”.

The guy who sits opposite me did find out later that day well after the picture had been sent. The girl sent back some kisses over the email, and he was ridiculed that the girl found the over wieght warehouse worker far more attractive than him.

He did say he wanted to do his hair and send a real picture of himself. But he didn’t do so, saying that she will be far more impressed when she sees him in person, as a much slimmer person and with more hair. The manager pointed out “Agh but with a smaller dick”. He did laugh at what had happened and has vowed that he would get the manager back for this ^_^

Don't forget your lunchbox

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lunchbox

Wonderful illustrations done by the amazing illustrator at www.tasteofrain.com

I’ve started my new job and have been working there for almost two months now. At my last job I didn’t need to pack a lunch as I could pop home to eat. Not so anymore. I must take a pack lunch.

Since I’ve started I’ve been on a steady diet of French cheese, crisps, chocolate and hot chocolate. Yeh lots of chocolate and I think my waist line is paying for it >_<

I’m trying to make amends, iterative amends, don’t want to go crazy you know.

I spend an hour traveling to work too in the morning due to the traffic. I didn’t have to before, although when I was doing jury service I didn’t mind traveling on the train. It meant I could read the newspaper and listen to music and I’d also get to run through part of town. That was kinda fun. But waiting for the train to turn up was very stressful.

I upgraded the sound in my car too. I thought I may as well enjoy the ride. I upgraded to a snazzy cd mp3 one. With line outs, means I can add some very big speakers in the boot if I wanted to later on.

I found some speakers I liked then checked on google to see if I could buy them cheaper and I did, lots cheaper. Very worth doing so, with google product search. I did fit them in myself, I did have some issues such as not being able to get the rear left speaker out due to insufficient access to the screws. Also the front left speaker terminals started touching the metal of the door on two occasions which just stopped all speakers from working. I taped the terminals up and its working.

All the speakers are JBL GTO series. I bought a huge amp too. But when I installed the new speakers and heard them. They were very freaking loud. The thought of installing the amp instilled fear into me. I don’t want them any louder!

The speakers give nice bass tones and I clicked the switch to make the tweeters +3dB. Which means they give a lot of tingly snare noise too. It sounds very hip. Having so many mp3s on a disk is very kewl too. I can also plug in my iPod, but I have not tried this yet. It does keep me entertained when I’m driving at 5mph stuck in traffic I feel quite relaxed : )

I had a dream about you last night

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I had the most weirdest conversation today with a woman from our parent company. She sounds really kewl, I’ve never met her though only talked on the phone. I’m constantly in touch with her department as they manage certain types of information which I rely and others rely on. Normally I’m in touch just to see how things are and how they are progressing mostly its because I need further information. Today, she threw me for six, heres how the conversation went:

Me: Hello there Lisa [name changed]
Lisa: Hi there Yas
Me: Hey
Lisa: Oh I had a dream about you last night
Me: About me!?
Lisa: Yeah
Lisa: Well in the morning we normally eat this certain type of bread for breakfast I dreamed that I was cycling to the bakery.
Lisa: At the bakery there was a real long queue leading to outside and you was outside and then someone introduced me to you
Lisa: And I was oh I know him, but never met him
Lisa: you had a really, really, long beard which went right down past your wasit, You looked like Jesus.
Lisa: And I said ‘Oh he doesn’t fit the picture I had of him’
Lisa: So do you have a long beard ?
Me: Laughing umm no, but I do have long hair like Jesus
Me: I have been mistaken for Jesus though
Lisa: *laughs*

Which PC?

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So the gaffe (boss) asks if I could help choose a pc for his kids. Being computer illiterate himself and someone who claims he wouldn’t piss on a computer, decided I’m probably a good person to help out in this situation.

The other gaffe who is currently on holiday asked for a good laptop and after much browsing around. I decided on the JVC. I know its maybe not a manufacturer you think of when it comes to laptops, but this one is so small with a 6 hour battery life. Which were precisely the requirements. Something small with plenty of battery life. And when I noticed it had over $400 off from what it should be, I was like buy, buy, buy! He never did until there were none left in the country by then the price was back up with less memory.
Check out the size difference between the laptop and thats a 17
Anyway I got a chance to have a go when I was setting it up and I was less impressed. But he liked it so it was good.

So back to the first gaffe, pc for the kids one. From what I know, what kids do on their pc’s is work in M$ Word, and a minor bit of web browsing right ? well not quite. They do everything and then some. Downloading, editing, ripping, who knows what else. But fixed desktop machines although kewl, theres nothing that a laptop cannot match. And the laptop has the advantage of being portable around the house especially with wireless. I mostly recommend laptops for casual users. Browsing and the like can be done while watching the TV. Double productivity.

We saw a nice HP desktop machine, but was a little pricey. Price wasn’t the issue though, as when the salesman asked what our price range was I was a little stumped. I had $900 in mind but I was kindly reminded by the gaffe, “Yas, I don’t want anything cheap and crap, it doesn’t matter about the price”.

Long story short, I’m a bit of a fan of the Compaq laptops. They have very nice screens ample keyboard size too. Also I picked one of the better models with a memory card reader built in, which is unbelievably useful. I also got one of those baby M$ mices for laptops. Even though laptops have a touchpad, one can’t beat a mouse.

Although I was price concious all the time. Choosing the wireless router made me sweat. The store we went to are known for overpricing certain products and the routers were where they made cold cash. IMO way overpriced. Although I don’t use a netgear anymore, netgear products are the pick of the pack for me. The choice was between a normal one which was over priced. And a super duper router which I’ve never knew existed. Apperently has far more range than any other router out there. The reason why I started to sweat was because I’ve been to the gaffes house and its not small. So I asked where the laptop will be and where the phone line is. The standard would have done or stretched. Then he said will it work in the garden though. Thats when I grimiced. You can play five a-side football in his garden, its fairly large. He decided he needed the super powerful way over priced one which is fine by me, less chance of having flat spots with no internet connection.

I think I made good choices I’ll find out more once I see the setup in use. Although my bro and sister have a very similar setup and its been very good. I don’t own a laptop at the moment but I’m drooling over the dual cores. Maybe even a Macbook Pro, but won’t be for sometime now.